“The endless, blue circle. In it, a star.”

If someone has read a novel called “Migrations”, by Miloš Crnjanski (and probably mostly people from ex – Yugoslavian states), the sentence from the title will surely awaken trepidation and light, hot anxiety that, like butterflies in the stomach, accompanies the entire action of this book – anxiety that arises from the uncertainty of what lies ahead, the impossibility of control over all life events and the unpredictability of human behavior, and despite all this, the fervor that hints at the existence of hope in us, an inexhaustible and eternal force that keeps us alive and that, even after countless life turmoils, crossroads, and migrations, pushes us forward. At least one more step.

An endless blue circle and in it, a star.

And while his characters go through their trials, internal struggles, and existential crises, the idea of ​​an endless journey, an endless search and striving for the hope that connects us all, appears in each of them in moments of confrontation with themselves, their past, current actions, and possible future outcomes.

And it occurs in us too.

I believe that many people have felt overwhelmed by life’s worries, obligations, anxieties, and sufferings, many of us have found ourselves in that endless, blue circle that will never leave us, that is always present, even in ourselves, because it is a part of who we are. – beings that live, and our lives are – tireless searches.

Some are looking for a better future, for a more stable life, some are looking for love, some for success, and some for self-awareness, while if we scratch a little under that, we are all looking for belonging, closeness, and security.

Needs that are so rooted in our being, that we are ready to subordinate our entire life path and all our priorities to them, just to feel for a moment what it is like to be one with the star again, with its all-pervading warmth and smile, and the awareness that, maybe, even if it was the least likely maybe, somewhere there is a chance to find ourselves again, our authentic Self that has survived all the adversities so far.

Since these needs are so deep and strong, and often, from the earliest life, unsatisfied, unfortunately, it is not always easy for us to allow them to be in our consciousness, but rather we allow their reactive formations to take precedence in our daily actions. It’s easier to cheat than to admit that we lack closeness, it’s easier to reject than to allow the possibility of being rejected, and it’s easier to run away than to accept that we need more security.

We have learned so much to separate ourselves from ourselves and our needs, to push them into the most remote corner of our being, while they boil inside us with full force. We are more ready to live a lonely and isolated life than to allow the painful place to heal, and does this escape from pain bring us anything good?

If we feel physical pain due to illness or physical injury, can we cure it with an analgesic? Analgesics are only there to trick us into not feeling physical pain, just as the defense mechanisms of the psyche trick us into not feeling mental pain. If we do not attend to the pain, if we do not allow ourselves to look at it with wide-open eyes and recognize its causes, we can only spend our lives in agony, trapped in a cycle of wrong actions, patterns, and unexpressed feelings – forever hungry for true closeness, security and belonging in this world, where, as undeniably social beings, we depend on each other (even if we sometimes to hate to admit it).

What if we allow ourselves to follow, at least once, that urge to strive further, to expand ourselves and our being into something much bigger than ourselves? What if we are much braver than we think we are and what if there awaits us a life much freer and more authentic than the one we are in right now? We owe it to ourselves to at least try.

Well, if the sentence from the title of this article resonates with you, feel free to give yourself time to consider and see what your endless circle is and where your star is in it, and what it is in you that is pushing you all this time to last another day, month, year.

Although it may seem scary, with a good therapist it doesn’t have to be, so, even though the eternal striving, searching, and researching is in our nature, you don’t have to and you don’t need to be alone in this – the therapist can also be your guide through your turbulent journey, to your core and back. You can and must seek help if and when you need it, because we came to this world to grow and develop together, and without togetherness, there is no physical or psychological survival.

For the curious:

I believe that my literal skills are not even close to those left behind by Miloš Crnjanski, so I highly recommend the aforementioned novel to anyone who likes to read, which can be found online or in antique stores that sell Yugoslav literature.